Monday, December 8, 2008

Situational Reality

This is kinda scaring me..
Background: Late September I got sick, really sick. I was out of it for two weeks, only a few days of which I remember. I was hallucinating with a major fever on and off, and on Halloween night, Jamie dragged me to the ER, where they found I had a lung infection. I also lost like 30lbs, so.. rock on lung infection! But, um.. I saw some crazy shit during it.

In one multi-day hallucination, I was Jacen Solo from Starwars, and my pack of sith homeboys got into brawls with the Jedi in the middle of Wendy's (yes, the restraunt).

In another, I was at work. I remember seeing myself leave the office, and then looked out and saw that I was standing in my apartment complex's parking lot. Oh, and I locked myself out, at 10pm. I had to ask a person who arrived shortly after to let me in the gate.

I had another I woke up from where I'd been at work, somehow dimension crawled into my apartment, couldn't find my glasses. I called a friend who lives nearby to help me find them, but wouldn't let him go in my room, since it was the 'gateway to another dimension'. He eventually went in and it was my bedroom (shocking), where he found my glasses by my bedside table.

Another one expanded my apartment into a mansion, where my living room and the hallway to the mansion intermittently flickered over each other, fighting to decide which was going to be there. I also, in this one, decided Jamie and I were going to become demon hunters and go on a roadtrip. I packed my bags and called him, waiting outside for his arrival until I decided he wasn't coming and went back inside. (Not allowed to watch Supernatural while sick anymore).

Right after that, I had a hallucination where I jumped to the far, far, future, and earth was dead. The only living creatures were reptilian monsters.

Now that I'm well, I keep finding myself brooding over various hallucinations, and begin to wonder if they were 'situationally real'. I don't mean to say that Luke Skywalker exists, but when he told me the soul of Mara Jade was trapped in my blanket, it has situational reality to it. What's the value of experiences that you experienced that didn't have basis in reality? Like Pip in Moby Dick -- he fell overboard and 'experienced God'. Is man's insanity heaven's sense?

Or maybe I'm going batshit insane.

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